Small Mercies
by HepburnJunkie22
Summary: Sometimes all you need is a little nudge to come out of your funk, isolating your self can become desperately lonely. After months of no contact one fateful day in a cafe can change everything. (Sharon/Brenda pairing)
1. Chapter 1

_**I'm so glad to be back and writting for you guys, I've missed all of you and writing stories so much. I wasn't sure where to post this but it seems to be relevant here. Yes I am a Brenda/Sharon Shipper and yes this could possibly become the pairing later. So please no hate or negative comments, if you dont like this pairing simply don't read. I only used the recent episode as a reference point so from here on out it might be slightly AU. I'm also hoping if you guys like what you read that it will become my next multi chapter fic :) And i will apologize now, because I only have a vague idea of where this story is going...**_

_**The characters and shows belong to the networks, I'm only playing around I promise.**_

_**PS: reviews are love and greatly appreciated, enjoy! :)**_

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Brenda for all intents and purposes believed her self to be an extremely intelligent…a CIA trained interrogator, fluent in the Russian language, and for seven odd years the head of a very successful branch of the LAPD. Well she once was anyway, now she was the lead investigator for the District Attorney's office and beginning to think she wasn't as smart as she'd given herself credit for.

She contemplated her situation as she sat inside her favorite coffee shop just a little ways down from Parker Center. She watched intently as people on the street passed by the shop window, some in a hurry and some content to just stroll along. She was nervous about being spotted here, she knew she should have gone to another place farther down the block but she was a sucker for chocolate croissants in this particular café.

She prided herself in being overly observant, it's a quality that had irked many people throughout her lifetime and had definitely even driven a few away. Its what her instructor at the academy had admired the most and what often got the job done when she worked for the police. It was one of the major factors in her reassignment to the DA's office and what was essentially signing her paychecks that paid for her sparsely furnish apartment. It was this intuition that had lead her to notice Fritz's unease around her after the Phillip Stroh fiasco or his eventual dissolution of marriage request delivered to her via her new office…not even in person.

That had been the one event in her personal life in the last few years that she had been able to see coming, small mercies and all that nonsense. It got to a point where he hadn't been able to reach her anymore, and if she was being completely honest, she wasn't sure that she wanted him to do so. She signed the divorce papers without question or complaint, she knew when something was over and saw no use in prolonging the inevitable. It was a shame really.

The last two years had been a relative hell for Brenda; it wasn't her job although it wasn't quite what she was used to. She felt isolated and despondent, which if she looked at it from an outside perspective, was completely her fault. They had called, left messages, even dropped by on occasion…but you can only avoid people for so long before they eventually get the hint and stop trying to reach you. She didn't want to have to endure their looks of sympathy or even any positive news they might bring, she was just too raw to digest any of it.

_Now if that doesn't sound selfish Brenda Leigh, I don't know what does._

But it wasn't all entirely selfish, that was only a small part of it really. She knew that the transition for her team would be hard, painful even, so to alleviate as much of that as she could she had stayed away. She knew they were in good hands and that they would flourish under her care. She also knew that in order for them to see the aloof Captain as less of their enemy and more of their equal that she couldn't be around to influence their decision, they needed time to see her for the person she really was, get to know her as the former Deputy Chief had.

She looked down at her iPhone in the palm of her hand, unconsciously tapping the mail icon, seeing a familiar name at the top. Sharon was the only person who hadn't stopped trying to reach her in some form or another. The emails were sweet and caring at first, then as the weeks turned to months with no answers they became more forceful. Then they became pleading, wanting her to at least acknowledge that she was alive and well. Brenda assumed at some point that Sharon must have asked Andrea or Rios if she was still around and must have been satisfied with the answer because the messages turned from desperate to accepting.

She talked in the correspondences as she would if Brenda had been sitting in front of her, a way it seemed to cope with the 'loss' of her friend. The emails came at the end of every week, normally on Friday late at night or if the team caught a case late Saturday afternoon. They would chronicle what she and the team had gone through over the week as well as what was new with Rusty. This week's case involved a poor innocent girl, barely fifteen, with no name and no way to identify her; another lost soul to add to the list. It seemed that Sharon had also had an unfortunate run in with her soon to be ex-husband, who then decided he needed more information and from Rusty no less.

He asked had asked the boy point blank if she was dating someone, which was news to everyone including Brenda. The blonde scoffed at the thought, sure she knew all about the dinners with Lieutenant Flynn, but she also knew that Sharon would never involve her self with some one she worked with or someone who was under her command. In her various emails she had assured Brenda she had no such feelings, almost trying to convince her self as well as Brenda, and that she valued Andy as a member of her team too much.

After recalling the rest of her week the Captain had ended her letter the same way she always did:

_I miss you Brenda Leigh, we all do, and I wish you felt comfortable enough to reach out to us. I can't wait to hear from you, we have a lot of catching up to do and some wine to share._

_Always,_

_Sharon_

Brenda blinked back the ashamed tears that sprung to her eyes, she felt horrible about how she had been treating everyone, especially Sharon. None of them deserved to be treated that way…the problem was that she had no idea how to apologize or how to start over, so much damage had already been done. Looking up at the pale yellow ceiling she willed the tears to wait, at least until she was safely ensconced inside her office, ten minutes tops.

She quickly gathered her purse and slung it over her shoulder while she attempted to juggle her white mocha and multiple case files. She silently prayed not to drop anything as she pushed the chair at her table in with her hip, while turning slightly towards the door. A flash of something familiar caught her eye, drawing her to the long line to the order counter and a very familiar back waiting there.

She could recognize Andy Flynn anywhere, the lieutenant had this aura about him, the way he stood exuded confidence and ease, something she'd always envied. He looked dapper in a charcoal grey suit; with what she could make out at the collar was a light blue shirt, the bulge of his badge and gun noticeable under the lapels of his jacket.

She glanced around quickly to see if anyone else from her former division was in the vicinity; when she saw no one she decided that she could still salvage the situation and slip quietly out the front door unnoticed. Although t seemed that the universe had other plans for her this morning. As she turned to continue on her path a young man obviously engrossed in whatever was on the screen of his cell phone smacked square into Brenda. The momentum from the collision sent her hot coffee over her chest and shoulders, her files and papers scattering across the floor.

Brenda let loose an undignified shriek as the hot liquid seeped through her yellow cotton blouse, scorching her skin beneath and staining the skirt across her legs.

"Oh my god," the young man exclaimed, his brown eyes concerned under his shaggy blonde hair, "Are you okay?"

The Blonde quickly looked around, seeing that embarrassingly that all eyes were on her, including two very confused brown eyes that belonged to Andy Flynn. It was then that she noticed another set of eyes just in front of her former Lieutenant, concern evident in their green gaze. She turned back to the young man sharply; she could already feel the telltale blush on her cheeks and yet again the sting of tears at her eyes. He was already scrambling to gather all of her papers into an untidy and no doubt out of order heap.

"Its alright," she whispered quietly, "No harm done."

Her voice was soft and reassuring as the boy rose from his crouch and handed her the files, Brenda tried to smile but it didn't quit reach her eyes. The young man seemed to be speechless, so not wanting to dawdle any longer the Blonde made her getaway.

She patted his arm as she passed, "Thank yew."

It was then that she heard the café begin to come alive again, people quietly started to converse amongst themselves, seeing that the drama was indeed over. Brenda slipped quietly out of the door and took off down the street, her stride quick and desperate. Just when she thought she had gotten away, that perhaps no one had followed her, a sound caught her ears…the loud staccato of heels on the pavement, trying to match her pace.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Here's the next chapter, now we will get to see a little of Sharon as well as Andy's point of views. I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am...thank you for the reviews and follows, it real means a lot to me :)_**

**_As always I'm only playing around and don't own the respective characters/shows! _**

**_PS: Reviews are love 3_**

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Sharon was still reeling from their last case as she stepped from her car that morning. She shouldered her bag as she gently nudged the door of her car closed, as she lifted her head her eyes met those of brown, he had waited for her. Andy Flynn was leaning against a vehicle just a few feet from her own, impeccably dressed in a dark grey suit and light blue shirt, legs crossed easily in front of him at the ankle. He smiled warmly as she strode towards him, gesturing for her to continue as they headed for the parking garage exit.

It was the same routine every morning unless they were called to a crime scene or something else as equally unavoidable; they would stop for coffee on their way to Parker Center. Once the hotheaded Lieutenant had actually started to trust Sharon, they found they had a lot of quirks and experiences in common; not only was he now her right hand man but she considered him a good friend as well. So they would use this brief time in the morning to catch up and discuss anything of a personal nature.

They had just turned the corner and were on the straight stretch to the coffee shop when Andy decided to broach the subject with the brunette at his side. He knew she had sent another email to their former Deputy Chief, however pointless it may seem; Sharon for some reason still saw a light at the end of the tunnel. It was clear to him that Brenda didn't want to be found…they had all tried at one point or another, only to be rebuffed and ignored. The team thought about her constantly, how she was doing. They only ever got bits and pieces of information from Hobbs when she decided to grace their presence, but it was barely enough to wet their palate.

Although the Captain seemed to think that if she kept trying, the blonde would come around. Andy knew in the few months leading up to the Stroh incident that the Chief and Sharon had been getting closer, friends even by any case. They saw each other for who they were and it seemed to be a nice little nest of honesty that each woman needed in their lives at the time. Sharon was always there for the Chief, and eventually the Chief returned those gestures. He always though there was something more to the situation…something that everybody, including these two women, was missing. He wondered if maybe this time was different, if maybe she had gotten a response.

"So," he started cautiously.

The Captain wasn't really paying attention, staring straight ahead. She was focused on their destination and whatever else was on her mind…and there seemed to be a lot these days. He gently nudged her shoulder to bring her attention back to the present, waiting for her to meet his gaze.

She hummed quietly, "I'm sorry Andy…I don't seem to be myself this morning."

"Its ok," he shrugged, "you've had a lot on your mind lately."

She nodded her head absentmindedly as they came to rest in front of the café door allowing him to hold the door open as she passed quickly through. Sharon let out a low and frustrated groan as she realized just how long the line to the counter was and how long it would take to place an order. The last thing she needed was a lecture from Provenza about being late and the insinuations that would follow about Andy being late as well. She reached her hand up to rub at her forehead distractedly, willing away the oncoming headache. Andy caught the movement and knew exactly what she was thinking and decided to try and lighten her mood glancing at her nonchalantly.

"You know," he drawled slowly, "as long as you bring Provenza a latte he wont bitch at us nearly as much for being late…" he finished with a sly grin.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, the side of her mouth lifting up ever so slightly to show she was amused.

"Yes, well one can dream, hopefully he'll just be happy to have the coffee."

Her green eyes sparked with humor as she turned slightly forward, resting just in front of the Lieutenant. He shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to broach the subject of Brenda yet again, bracing himself for an onslaught of emotion.

"Did you hear back from her?"

With that one question the Captain's whole demeanor changed, she no longer seemed relaxed and playful; her stance became guarded and rigid. She briefly glanced over her shoulder; meeting Andy's eyes with a look of sadness so profound he almost regretted asking…almost.

Sharon sighed, "Not yet."

Andy cocked his head to the side and scrutinized the woman in front of him. There was indeed something more to this situation; he just couldn't quite put his finger on it. Before he could offer up his opinion the brunette continued on her train of thought.

"But I have come to a rather hard decision," she ventured.

The only response he gave was a raise of his eyebrow and subtle nod of his head, urging her to continue on.

She looked at the ground and then nervously stuffed her hands into the pocket of her black blazer. Taking a deep breath she decided to just plunge forward. She had been thinking it over for the last week, a week that seemed to be fraught with some pretty big changes in her personal life. She couldn't keep going like this, waiting every week like some lovesick puppy for a response that obviously wasn't coming. She needed to move on and respect the situation the former Deputy Chief had put her self in.

Sharon nodded firmly, "If I don't receive a response this week…I've decided to stop writing and trying."

The look on Andy's face when she met his gaze was one of pure shock. He recovered quickly though and put on a thoughtful façade, considering her carefully. She quickly continued trying to explain, hands flying about in front of her.

"I have so many changes coming, so many things I'm moving on from, I've learned there is no sense in waiting for something when it isn't plausible."

Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. The Lieutenant nodded his head carefully, understanding what she was and wasn't saying. She was starting a new chapter in her life and she needed to let go of things that were holding her back.

_I can't afford to keep waiting for her, no matter how much pain it causes me._

He tried to reassure her with a small smile, when a sudden noise caught both off their attentions. Someone near the door had cried out in pain, Andy peered around the customers behind him trying to get good look. He stilled as he caught sight of a familiar curly blonde haired woman, trying in vain to wipe off whatever had spilt all down the front of her. There was a very apologetic young man staring up at her, desperately trying to scrape her file folders and paper from where they seemed to have fallen on the ground.

She was wearing a pale yellow cotton blouse over what looked like a white linen skirt…or rather they were both a beige color now due to the liquid that once inhabited the cup now on the floor. A light brown puddle was now pooling around the nude pumps that adorned her feet.

He strained to hear the young man ask if she was ok, craning his neck a little farther to try and see her face. It was then that he felt the Captain shift beside him, trying to get a view of the commotion as well. He could tell when she realized whom it was standing before them because her whole body froze. Brenda chose that exact moment to look up from her disaster and glance around the room. After scanning the room quickly, her brown eyes came to rest briefly on his own…he could see and feel the embarrassment rolling off her in waves. Her pale cheeks started to turn a deep shade of pink and tears were beginning to pool in the corners of her eyes.

It was then that recognition dawned on Brenda's face as she realized just who was standing beside Andy. Covering her shocked expression quickly she looked back down at the boy who was now starting rise out of his crouch.

"Its alright," she whispered quietly, "No harm done."

Her voice was just a slow drawl, soft and reassuring. It was different than when she left, soft and lilting, it had a breathless quality to it. She took the papers from the young man's outstretched hand and carefully placed them under her arm, seemingly the only place safe from coffee stains. The Lieutenant watched quietly as she straitened her back and shouldered her purse once more, smiling awkwardly.

She patted the boy's arm and uttered a strained, 'Thank yew,' as she passed.

She then walked swiftly through the front door, setting off down the sidewalk in a brief pace.

The man hazarded a look at his friend standing behind him who still appeared to be in some sort of shock and he cleared his throat gently. At the soft sound she started to come out of her daze a little, slowly blinking her eyes behind the frames of her glasses. It was then that realization seemed to dawn in her eyes and she looked at him wildly.

"Andy?" Sharon said breathlessly, "Was that Brenda?"

Unable to speak the Lieutenant just shook his head vigorously. She glanced quickly back to the door of the coffee shop and in one decisive move, nodded her head. All of a sudden the Captain was making her way away from her companion and weaving her way through the crowd of people towards the door, her stride determined and measured. Andy chuckled to himself as he watched her effortlessly pass through the door and take off in the same direction the Chief had.

_Boy, does Brenda have it coming_, he thought.

The high-pitched voice of the cashier, a young woman who barely looked the age of eighteen, startled him out of his present thoughts.

"Can I help you sir?"

The Lieutenant rubbed his chin in contemplation.

"Uh yeah, can I have a grande latte with two splenda…"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Ok well after tonight's episode this story is officially AU. We are starting to delve a little deeper into the characters thoughts and that's what I like so please bear with me.**_

_**These characters and their respective shows are not mine…I'm only playing and borrowing.**_

_**PS: As always reviews are love…they encourage me to write quicker, and let me know if the story is even worth continuing.**_

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Brenda was trying to stay calm as she ignored the quick _click-clack_ on the sidewalk behind her. She felt the wet shirt clinging to the skin of her chest against the cool breeze; goose bumps began to race up and down her body. Instead of walking all the way to the cross walk she decided to cross the street where she was, hopping in and out of traffic hoping to lose the person she still believed to be right behind her.

She stretched her foot out to catch the curb as she came near the other side of the street; the underside of her new heals scraping painfully against the rough ground. Just a few more feet and she would be safely inside her building on her way up to her office hopefully to change and forget that this had all happened. Forget about the emails and the guilt she carries around…forget the green eyes that for some reason seemed to haunt her, maybe even taunt her.

She smiled courteously to the security guard as he opened the door for her, sweeping a hand forward and encouraging her through the space. Brenda didn't dare look back, wouldn't look back until she was safely in the elevator. Luckily as she rounded the corner the bell for the approaching car dinged and there was no one else around. She skated into the car and sighed relieved as her back met the cool metal of the wall. Just as her breathing began to even out and the doors began to close, a very familiar looking hand shot out and stopped their progression.

Brenda closed her eyes and looked up, _I knew it was to good to be true._

She heard the doors at last slide shut and braced her self for the emotionally draining scenario about to take place. As she let go of the breath she had been unconsciously holding, her eyes opened to meet those of Sharon Raydor. There she stood, after all these months, in front of the blonde close enough to touch. Her eyes were clear and razor sharp behind her glasses, her gaze unwavering as she regarded Brenda closely. Her lips were set into a thin line of what the other woman thought to be irritation; they were a pale and delicate pink.

The Captain wore a fitted black blazer with just a hint of the green silk shirt that lay beneath, two buttons undone at the neck. The jacket dipped swiftly in at her waist where here fists lay balled on her hips, accentuating the roundness. The outfit was complete with black trousers that tapered gracefully down Sharon's long legs, giving way to the black pumps encasing her delicate feet. After she had steadily committed the sight of the other woman to memory, Brenda looked up cautiously and swallowed reflexively.

The brunette's eyes narrowed slightly as they came to rest on those of chocolate brown once again. She was waiting for the blonde to say something, to offer up some sort of explanation. When none was forthcoming it only served to fuel the Captain's anger; the fact that Brenda was looking everywhere except for at her was making matters even worse. She wanted answers and she wanted them now, no more excuses and no more hiding.

The former Deputy Chief watched nervously as her companion sized her up and then without any warning looked towards the front of the elevator car. Sharon folded hers arms across her chest defensively, gripping just beneath each elbow with her hands. The blonde glanced at the brunette as she watched the numbers of the floors steadily climb, never moving from her stance.

She was slightly startled by the _ding _that echoed through the elevator alerting both women that they had indeed reached their destination. She felt light headed as the car came to a steady stop, the floor seeming to move under her feet.

As soon as the doors were open Sharon threw herself through them and started down the hall towards Brenda's office; the other woman practically had to run to keep up with the head start she had gotten. When the Captain abruptly halted in front of her office door, Brenda barely missed slamming into her back. The blonde began to rummage through her purse to find her keys that always seemed to elude her, all the while feeling Sharon's eyes drilling into the side of her head

She shouldered the door open and proceeded to make her way around to sit in her chair behind her desk. She was determined to give her a little sense of protection, however misguided or unrealistic that feeling proved to be. Crossing her legs nervously, Brenda looked up to find Sharon leaning over her desk, hands firmly planted on the top, supporting her upper body. The blonde waited for the other shoe to drop, tensing slightly as Sharon straightened her body, resting fully upright.

"Where would you like me to begin?" the low and dangerous voice cut through the room.

Brenda blinked, "Well…umm…I uh…"

Sharon cut in, "Its been…well I'm not even sure how long its been, but its definitely been long enough."

"Now Capt'n…" Brenda tried to interject.

"My name is Sharon," she hissed, "and at one point in our lives I considered myself your friend."

They both contemplated that statement for a few moments, letting the words sink in. What could Brenda say to that? She honestly didn't have a rebuttal, nothing worthy of trying to explain her behavior over the past months…hell the last year. Before she could even begin to apologize Sharon took a seat in her visitor's chair, crossing her legs at the ankle and began speaking. Just like that, some of the anger seemed to vanish from the brunette.

"Where have you been Brenda Leigh?" she questioned sadly, tilting her head slightly.

Brenda sighed; it was time to be honest…now or never. She shivered from the sensation or Sharon's eyes on her person and the sweetly sticky beverage still on her shirt. Shifting nervously in her chair she began to speak.

"I guess," she stuttered, "I guess I just need time to myself…time to reflect and grieve."

The brunette just stared, offering no words of encouragement but seemed to still be listening. The younger woman shook her head, trying to clear the fuzziness, to try and form the sentences that her brain so desperately wanted to speak. She took off her glasses and gently set them on a folder, rubbing the bridge of her nose she started again.

"It was all just so much," she chuckled humorlessly, "I mean I know my life was never perfect, but it had been turned upside down and sideways."

Brenda sighed as she leaned back in her office chair now rubbing her forehead.

"Fritz is gone," a flash of surprise crossed Sharon's face, "he's been gone for a few months…it was a long time comin'."

"Oh Brenda…"

She lifted her hand, "I don't want sympathy…I just want you to listen."

The older woman nodded slightly and once again sat back in her chair, hands folded in her lap now. The blonde turned to her right slightly, peering out of the window into the Los Angeles skyline.

"It wasn't the same after Mama died, " Brenda saw the Captain flinch out of the corner of her eye, but decided to ignore it.

"I became closed off from him and tried to deflect his concern…all of his questions," she whispered, "There is only so much rejection someone can take before they give up."

"I shut everyone out…even my own Daddy at one point, " she looked ashamed at that, "I created this lonely existence for myself and it seemed to work for a while."

Sharon noticed Brenda's stare became vacant, looking through the window but not truly seeing what lay before her. She scooted further in her seat, reaching across the desk to lay her hand one top of the blonde's absently playing with her glasses. Her thumb rubbed slow circles in the soft skin of the back of Brenda's hand. Her eyes snapped towards the point of contact and then up to meet her friend's clear gaze.

"But you," she pointed a finger accusingly, "you've never stopped tryin'…I never answer but you never stop…why?"

The question surprised the brunette; that one word whispered so heatedly. She withdrew her hand cautiously, bringing it back to the safety of her own lap. She thought for a few moments before continuing.

_Why indeed?_

"We are friends," Sharon conceded as if that answered everything.

"So you say," Brenda admitted and rolled her eyes at the Captain's avoidance tactic.

"I was also friends with Flynn as well, even Lieutenant Provenza," she pointed out, "and they stopped after a few months of no answers."

The older woman sighed frustrated, there was something specific the younger woman was looking for and obviously Sharon wasn't providing it to her. She contemplated what had been said thus far and Brenda's behavior. She was looking at the Captain expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

She decided to take the plunge, "I know we didn't always see eye-to-eye, but towards the end you became my closest confidant, Brenda, you have to know that."

Sharon mirrored the blonde's earlier movement and rubbed her hand across her forehead.

"You knew me better than I knew myself sometimes," she uttered with pure emotion.

" And as much as we bicker, as much as we fight, I've desperately missed my friend over the last few months."

Brenda stared at the other woman…. she wasn't shocked to hear all this; after all she had read the all of Sharon's emails; the words on the page dripped with emotion. Sharon cared for her and she knew that all along, but she just couldn't be sure about her own feelings on the subject.

She had loved talking to the other woman when she could and it was never boring conversation. They matched each other wit for wit; they were quite the 'dynamic duo'. Although somewhere along the lines, her feelings had stopped being friendly and had strayed into unfamiliar territory for the blonde. At some point they became wild and passionate, aching and adoring.

Her thoughts were no longer what Sharon would think about her new outfit but if she specifically would like the way it hugged her body. She thought about how the older woman's eyes shined when she smiled and how she ached to make her do so; what those lips would feel like against her own. She thought about Sharon a lot…and not always innocent, friendly thoughts. She turned in her chair to fully face the other woman, everything she was feeling written plainly on her face and visible in her eyes.

"I've missed you too Sharon…somethin' awful." She admitted tearfully.

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_**PPS: Each chapter is written while listening to a certain song…if you are curious, just ask!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hey guys sorry it took a few days to update, but I'm back now and I can say for certain that I now know where this story is headed! Thank you so much to those of you who are reading and reviewing, it means so much to me :))_**

**_With that being said, ill admit that I am not overly happy with the way this chapter turned out, but I hope you enjoy all the same._**

**_PS: I do not own the characters or their respective shows, I'm only playing…_**

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After that admission it was hard for Brenda to compose herself, the tears began to run down her cheeks unchecked. She didn't know how to explain to Sharon what she had been feeling or how necessary the distance was. She knew that the other woman would chastise her and tell her she could have helped her friend, but how could she make her see? She was still staring at the hands folded tightly in her lap when a light clearing of a throat broke the silence in the room.

Both women looked up to see yet another familiar silhouette leaning against the frame of Brenda's office door. The blonde DDA was dressed in navy blue pants, a floral blouse, and navy blue pumps. Andrea was carefully glanced back and forth between the two women, a slight question marring her features.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked softly.

Sharon beat Brenda to the punch and responded before the blonde could open her mouth.

"Not at all Counselor, Brenda and I were just catching up," she couldn't miss the pointed look the brunette threw her way.

The younger woman straightened her shoulders, glancing briefly towards DDA Hobbs. She noticed that she had come a little further into the room, standing directly behind the chair Sharon was currently seated in. The sight gesture seemed comforting and familiar to the other two women.

"I'll only be a second," Andrea assured with a small smile, "I only have a few papers for Brenda to read through, sign, and then I'll be on my way."

The blonde nodded her head absently as she reached forward to take the folder from her coworker's hand. She slid her glasses on to the bridge of her nose and began to skim the various notes that Andrea had written in the margins of the document. All the while she kept an ear on the quiet conversation going on in front of her, pretending not to notice.

"How have you been, Captain?" the DDA questioned softly.

Hobbs had seen first hand what kind of damage the case had done to the Captain and her staff; tempers and emotions were running high throughout he whole ordeal. It seemed to hit Sharon and Andy the hardest, she had been on the end of Lieutenant Flynn's ire after all. She was genuinely concerned for all of those involved; she squeezed Sharon's shoulder in empathy.

The brunette sighed and patted the hand that rested gently on her shoulder. Andrea was a wonderful friend and Sharon meant she knew well but honestly she just wanted her to disappear. They had been making such progress before she interrupted; now she wasn't so sure if the mood had been ruined.

"We all seem to be on the mend, getting better each day," she ended the statement with a slight nod to the otherwise occupied Brenda.

The older blonde knew what she was alluding to, Andrea knew all about Brenda's self-imposed exile. She had even tried to implement it with herself, which proved to be impossible because they needed to interact each day for their jobs to function smoothly. She had even kept an eye on the blonde for Sharon when she realized there would be no responses to her emails.

No weekly reports or anything like that, but when Sharon asked Andrea could at least offer a little information. The reconnaissance mission that Andrea had embarked on had led to friendly weekly dinners with Sharon; they had formed a close friendship.

Brenda was sharp, it came from deciphering the bullshit people suspects tried to feed her, and she knew how to multitask. While she was barely registering what she was reading, she was watching every subtle movement and nuance going on between the other two women in her office. The tender squeeze to Sharon's shoulder, the lingering pat to Andrea's hand, the small and content smiles that passed between the two. To her knowledge, Sharon had never looked at her that way. It was then that it hit Brenda like a ton of bricks.

_What if she was dating someone?_

_ What if that was the reason for the divorce?_

_ What if I'm making a fool out of my self?_

All of these questions began to spiral through Brenda's mind, making her dizzy with their intensity. She closed the folder quickly and dropped the pen on top as she signed the last document; all of the sudden she was sick to her stomach. Maybe she had read too much into this whole thing, maybe Sharon really didn't feel anything other than friendship for her. What if this whole situation was just another big mistake, waiting to blow up in her face?

"Here you are Counselor," Brenda interrupted, a not so sincere smile on her face and ice in her voice.

Hobbs turned to face Brenda with a confused smile. Obviously flustered by the blonde's cold tone; she took the folder from the younger woman's grasp and turned to face Sharon again.

She offered an apologetic shrug, "We can finish our chat later this week at lunch…I'll call you?"

"That sounds perfect, Andrea," Sharon nodded dismissively.

Hobbs turned back to Brenda, "Thank you again, now I can go have these filed."

All the former Deputy Chief could do was nod tersely, effectively ending the conversation. As they listened to the click of Andrea's heels grow further and further down the hallway, the two women shared an uneasy silence.

The tension from early had evolved from sweet and hesitant to that of strained and stilted.

Sharon decided to try and diffuse the situation before the now unsavory mood could continue.

"You read every email?"

Brenda once again nodded absently; she now had her arms crossed across her chest defensively. Her eyes had found something unbelievably interesting on the surface of her desk. Sharon chuckled softly, which caused Brenda's head to snap up.

"I feel out of my element," she declared, "here you know what's happened in my life, but I have no clue about yours."

Brenda continued to stare blankly at the Captain; its true, Sharon had no idea what had gone on in the intervening year or so.

The blonde relaxed her posture a bit and shifted in her chair so she could uncross and cross her legs. Her brown eyes were open and honest as she looked at Sharon, daring to ask her questions.

"What exactly do you want to know, Capt'n?"

Sharon shifted now, sitting forward in her chair.

"I asked where you've been Brenda Leigh."

The stony look that the brunette gave her was insinuating that she wouldn't let her beat around the bush again.

_Oh that Woman pushes me like no other!_

"Alright!" Brenda bit out, her tone making Sharon jump slightly in surprise.

"You wanna know where I've been? Fine. I've been here," the blonde blurted out, "I've been here livin' my life day to day."

"I gave you and the boys space because I knew they'd be just fine in your hands, but you wouldn't be ale to show them who you are if I hung around."

She took a deep breath and got up from her chair, turning to gaze out the window again, seeing the skies start to darken as the clouds gathered. She wasn't sure if Sharon was still listening but she kept talking any way.

"In order for them to trust you, Sharon, I couldn't influence them…and if that meant not bein' around for a while, well I was willin' to do that."

She shook her head slowly from side to side, trying to clear the jumbled thoughts and bring them to order. She turned to face the brunette once more, whose face wore an expression of blank confusion and she was obviously trying to process the last outburst.

"It was painful and still is painful," she admitted, "but you are what they need and they needed to see that without some biased opinions formed from my impact."

It had to been the first time in…probably since she attacked Phillip Stroh in the elevator, that Brenda had seen Sharon speechless. If she weren't in such a miserable mood she probably would have found triumph in making the unshakable Captain Raydor lose her voice.

"Then unfortunately it just became a hard habit to break."

Brenda sighed shakily, "I wasn't in a good place and emotionally I was despondent…I couldn't be counted on to be a good friend."

"Fritz…" Sharon began but was succinctly cut off.

"Has absolutely nothin' to do with this," the blonde assured her, "in fact that was the only circumstance of the last few years or so that didn't add to my depression."

At that word she saw the brunette pale visibly…. taking a mental breath she decided that it was now or never. She was scared to admit this to Sharon but she had wanted the truth and that was definitely what she was getting.

"I've been seeing a therapist for the last few years, twice a week," Brenda admitted with a shy smile, "and she has really been helpin' me, the one bright spot besides your emails."

When the Captain was slow to answer Benda came to the front of her desk and perched there, her hip steadying her balance and her legs crossed at the ankles. Sharon's eyes were larder than normal in her pale face, her breathing had picked up a little as well. Other than those subtle hints nothing had changed on her outward appearance, but the blonde could see the wheels in her mind turning.

When Brenda's brown eyes came to rest once again on those of Sharon's green, she continued and hoped that this wouldn't be another mistake.

"We talk about you a lot," she confessed quietly, "I explained everythin' and she understands why I did what I did."

Here she paused considering her next words carefully.

"She also said I needed to talk to you, to tell you some of my thoughts and feelins'…how this entire ordeal has made me feel, but you as well."

Sharon was now looking at her with an expression of what Brenda hoped was understanding…and something else that she couldn't quite place yet. When the blonde's narrative came to a halt, the older woman placed a hand on her bare knee, squeezing in encouragement. She inhaled sharply at the contact.

She covered the hand with her own, "You see Sharon, my feelins' for you don't just stop at being friendly and carin'."

The Captain's head cocked to the side slightly.

"I feel like I've gotten to know you even better through all of you emails; I can tell what type of a week its been for you just by how the letter starts out."

Brenda took a deep breathe before plunging in.

"I dream about you," Brenda stated, "I dream about what we could have together, about how your lips would feel on my…how soft your skin must feel."

It was at this point that Brenda began pacing the room unable to meet Sharon's look, afraid of what she might or might not see reflected back at her in those eyes she'd come to love.

She continued, "And I know how ridiculous that sounds after all we've been through, but its true!"

"Brenda..." Sharon tried to interrupt.

The blonde ignored her, "And you don't have to acknowledge what I've said, I just want you to understand why…"

This time it was the blonde who was cut off sharply, but not with harsh words as she had been expecting, but the lips she had dreamed about.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Ok guys thank you for being patient and reading/reviewing. Once again I'm not exactly happy with what I wrote but I do hope you enjoy. :)_**

**_PS: The characters and their shows are not mine and I'm only playing with them, I will put them back as soon as I'm done!_**

* * *

Brenda's mind didn't do Sharon justice at all; every single feeling was so much more intense that for a moment she forgot that breathing was essential to her survival. The soft texture of the Captain's lips as they met her own and the subtle pressure of her hand on the back of Brenda's neck gently encouraging her to participate was all the prompting Brenda needed to return the sweet gestures. She shivered as she felt Sharon's fingers sift through the curls delicately.

She could feel her head beginning to swim from the lack of oxygen as the older woman's lips tenderly caressed her own. The kiss itself had a desperate quality to it, almost as if the brunette was afraid the blonde would disappear again. It was as if Sharon wanted to crawl inside of the younger woman, wanted to posses her and be one with her. These feelings to her aback and made her begin to think that maybe she hadn't really understood her relationship with Sharon at all.

Her lungs screamed as she took a deep breath as the Captain drew back from the kiss. Brenda opened her eyes and gazed at the other woman, silently contemplating her as she tried to remind herself to inhale and exhale regularly. Her eyes were shut tight as if in pain…or she was trying to hold something back? Just as she reached out to softly trace the bones in Sharon's jaw, her eyes sprung open and the gleaming green froze Brenda on the spot. She could see the tears that were threatening to fall gathering quickly in the brunette's eyes.

Sharon back away a little more, determined it seemed to get out what she needed to say to Brenda. She couldn't do it in close contact so some space was necessary.

"I've thought about you as well," she rushed out, "much more than is appropriate under the circumstances."

Not wanting to spook her and interrupt her train of thought, Brenda stayed still and quiet.

Sharon looked down at her shoes and smirked to herself.

"I think that's why I wasn't willing to give up on you, I wasn't willing to quit because I…" she trailed off as if she was hesitant to continue.

Brenda wished right then and there that she could comfort Sharon some way, give her some kind of a gesture that could simultaneously encourage and ease the nervousness she was feeling. She wished that she had known the extent of damage her selfishness would produce and that she could take away all that pain from the brunette.

The blonde was brought back to the present with a gentle clearing of Sharon's throat. She watched as the other woman straightened her shoulders, she was now back in control of her emotions and ready to resume her earlier confession.

"You are more than just my friend Brenda Leigh," she admitted, "so much more and I don't know where to begin."

Brenda smiled sweetly, knowing just how difficult it was for anyone, let alone the stoic brunette in front of her, to acknowledge such powerful feelings. It took herself months and professional help to recognize and put a certain name to her own feelings. The blonde leant back against her desk as Sharon walked around the visitors' chair, gripping the back until her knuckles turned white from the tension.

"Well," she drawled slowly, "in my experience, tellin' the other person what it is you're feelin' and just describin' your emotions seems to work best."

Sharon nodded her head absently and seemed to contemplate what the former Deputy Chief had said.

She hummed faintly, "You scared me…I was so worried about what you were doing, how you were doing…"

Then she inhaled shakily, "And then it felt crazy to me, to feel this way…. I've never had such strong feelings for someone."

Brenda watched with a slight smirk as the older woman straightened and her hands began searching for her pockets. When they finally found them a full body calm swept over Sharon, the blonde couldn't help but quietly chuckle.

"I've never felt such a strong need to know that someone was ok or such a feeling of dread when they didn't answer."

The younger woman brought her hand up to guiltily rub the back of her neck, she could only imagine what Sharon and the guys had gone through, how upset and worried they must have all been.

Sharon noticed the subtle shift in Brenda's mood, and sensing some more wallowing and self-pity she hurried to reassure the blonde. She didn't want the current path they were on to deter anymore, they needed to finish what they had started.

The Captain held up her hand, "I didn't mean to make you feel bad Brenda Leigh, I just need you to understand."

As she spoke those words she came around the chair to the front of Brenda's desk, reaching for her hand and gently cradling it in her own. The firm squeeze given to the blonde's hand seemed to bring them both back to reality. Sharon looked at the clock on the wall and she realized how long they had been there; just how much time they had spent together that morning and just how much they had accomplished, even if it seemed insignificant to anyone else. She knew that the real world would eventually come calling and that they would need to continue this discussion at a later date…hopefully sooner rather than later.

She still had paperwork on her desk to finish and from the looks of the piles on Brenda's desk the younger woman did as well. The Captain let loose a frustrated sigh that had the younger woman looking at her questioningly.

"I don't want to end this here," she began, "but I do have work that cannot be neglected that I have to finish back at the office."

She tightened her grip as she began to feel Brenda pull backwards, probably misinterpreting what she meant and trying to run from the unknown to save her dignity. The former Deputy was still trying to pull away, trying in vain to make the Captain release the grip on her hand without physically having to remove said hand.

"Well please don't let me keep you, Capt'n Raydor," she tried graciously.

Sharon could see through her façade of false cheer and understanding; she could see just how much she was enjoying the conversation and how devastated she was to see it end. She knew she had to do something fast in order to keep this connection alive or else Brenda would disappear once again. She wouldn't be able to handle months of no communication, not again...she wouldn't be able to deal with that again.

"Although," she murmured softly, "I would love to continue this conversation later tonight…over dinner at my place?"

To say that Brenda was stunned was an understatement; she couldn't believe how her day had turned out from just earlier this morning, things were definitely looking up. She continued to stare as Sharon shifted on her feet nervously, dropping Brenda's hand to allow her own to once again find the pockets of her designer blazer.

"Or if to night doesn't work for you," she began apprehensively.

The look in her Captain's eyes was one of hopefulness and need, she needed to finish Brenda realized with surprise and wanted to have dinner with her later. When Sharon's cheeks began to flush and her bottom lip was captured between her top teeth the blonde realized she had waited to long to respond.

"Of course!" she rushed out, "I mean, I would love to have dinner tonight with you tonight, Sharon."

She could feel the relief roll off of her Captain in waves, a noticed as her posture notably relaxed. Her hands came out of her pockets to form a prayer like gesture in front of the other woman's chest as she gave a slight bow to show her thanks; a cute quirk Brenda didn't know she missed until now. She smiled at the familiarity and the small smirk now adorning Sharon's features.

"My pleasure Brenda Leigh," the Captain's smile widened, "Shall we say seven?"

Brenda could feel her dimples appear as her smile widened to match that of her Captains.

"It's a date," she slowly drawled.

The brunette nodded quickly and moved forward, her lips connecting with Brenda's cheek, lingering a little longer than necessary. Then she felt Sharon's strong arms surround her shoulders, drawing her in to a warm embrace. The younger woman could smell her Captain's perfume, the light flowery scent hypnotizing the more the blonde breathed it in.

"I love your dimples," Sharon breathed against Brenda's cheek.

The blonde sighed unevenly, clutching at the older woman's back, not ready to let go. Sharon squeezed her one more time before easing them both out of the hug. Patting Brenda on the shoulders, she turned to saunter out of the blonde's office. She caught the side of the door jam just before she passed through it and tossed one last closing statement over her shoulder.

"Oh and Brenda? Casual clothes only please," she smiled sweetly.

* * *

**_So I've been in quite a slump lately and I don't normally do this but I would like to get back in the swing of things. I would like to extent the invitation to anyone who would like to PM me with a story idea, one-shots only please, and I will write something along those lines. I would really like to try and write these for you guys, i think it would be fun :)_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**I'm sorry it took so long to update this but honestly I haven't had any inspiration until recently to finish it. I also didn't feel like there was anybody still interested in it :/ But there it is and this will be the last chapter unless you guys aren't satisfied with that, please let me know, reviews are love! Thank all of you who HAVE continued to read :)**_

* * *

Unfortunately the evening didn't come to pass as the two women had hoped. Something inevitably came up at the office that kept Sharon detained and sent a very disappointed Brenda Leigh back to her sparse apartment alone. She leant her head against the cold wood of her door before jamming the key into the lock and turning it forcefully.

With no reason to go home Brenda had stayed later at the office to complete a few depositions and reports that were still cluttering her desk. As she let her coat, shoes, and purse fall in to an unbecoming heap on the floor, she sighed loudly and rolled her shoulders. It had been such an incredibly long day; she was exhausted from all the emotional upheaval and having to reschedule their night together made her feel even worse.

Although if anyone understood what Sharon was going through and why she had to cancel, it was Brenda. She knew that there only existed good intentions and what came up wasn't something Sharon couldn't have seen coming, but she couldn't help but think that maybe it just wasn't mean tot be.

With one last sad glance at the screen of her phone, she tossed it on to the entry table and proceeded to amble down the hallway. Her feet were silent on the plush carpeted floor as she passed through the doorway into her dark bedroom. She found her way to the bed solely on feel and collapsed face down in the comforter, burrowing her face and inhaling he clean scent of her sheets. Her arms came to rest tightly around the softness of her pillow and she let go of a muffled groan. She then kicked off her heels and winced slightly as they landed on the floor with a resounding _thwump_.

After a few moments of respite Brenda rolled onto her back and reached across the bed blindly for the switch to the lamp on her beside table. When the delicate light finally spilled across the contours of her body and her bedroom she blinked owlishly, unprepared for even the slightest change in brightness. She stared unseeingly at the shadows being cast on her ceiling, watching as they danced silently across the off white stucco.

She shook her head as her thoughts attempted to take yet another turn for the worse; she slowly unbuttoned the button on her black slacks and pulled down their zipper. Luckily she had a spare change of clothes in her office, even if it was just a simple grey sweater and pair of dress pants. Brenda had dropped her blouse and skirt from earlier in the day off at the cleaners, there would be no way for her to salvage them…it was a job for the professionals.

She raised her hips and wriggled them slightly, working the stiff garment down until it reached her feet and then she unceremoniously kicked them in the direction of her hamper. She wasn't really in the mood to care whether they made it to their destination or not, she would just pick them up later if necessary.

The blonde sat up, her legs dangling listlessly over the edge of her bed as she carefully drew the thin sweater over her head. She shook her head slightly in an unsuccessful attempt to untangle her curls as they landed on the back of her neck. Brenda then tossed her sweater carelessly in the direction of her slacks.

The white camisole she had worn underneath was well worn from regular use and the simple pale pink cotton boy shorts were some of her favorites. She leant back a little and reached under her covers to produce a pair of black and grey checkered pajama pants that were almost threadbare. She slipped first one leg and then the other into then and shimmied them up her hips, tying them at the waist as she closed her bedroom door slightly.

There on a hook was her old and faithful friend, her comfort cardigan…her beloved tan sweater; it was definitely going to a comfort kind of night. As she pulled first one arm and then the other through it, Brenda thought that maybe this was for the best. Maybe this was the universe telling her that she needed a night or some time to think about what exactly had happened today. To come to terms with the emotional roller coaster she had been on all day; things seemed to be moving awfully fast and it was starting to make the blonde nervous. She adjusted her glasses and walked back down the hall toward her living room, pulling the sweater tighter around herself.

Just as she rounded the corner she stubbed her toe on the purse she had left there haphazardly. She softly cried out as a sharp pain raced through her foot and up her leg.

"Damnit," she cursed heatedly under her breath.

She leant down to rub the poor toe that had been severely battered but froze as the doorbell to her apartment rang out shrilly. She straightened her back slowly, cautiously looking at her door and reached out to push the home button on her iPhone. The screen read just a few minutes after nine o'clock.

_Who could that be at this hour?_

She stepped up and peered through the peephole, not willing to just open her door to anyone at this time of night. Even though she was no longer affiliated with Major Crimes, Brenda still had made plenty of enemies over the years and had to be careful. Who was to say it wasn't some one who still held a grudge against her, she would be defenseless. What she saw on her doorstep made her grin from ear to ear and instantly put her at ease.

There stood Sharon Raydor, in all her casual glory, dressed in dark wash jeans and a LAPD sweatshirt that was at least one size to big for her slight body. Her hair was swept up into a messy ponytail and her glasses were perched on the tip of her nose. She was holding some sort of a white take out bag in her hands, and from the slump of her shoulders Brenda could tell it had been a long and exhausting day for the brunette as well. Brenda stepped back and fluffed her hair slightly then reached to open her door.

* * *

Sharon was reaching to ring the bell again as the door swung open and she came face to face with surprised brown eyes. But the surprise quickly turned to excitement as the blonde laid eyes on the brunette. When she had called Brenda earlier to explain that something had come up at the office, the blonde had been very understanding but she could tell that there was an air of slight disappointment to the rest of their conversation. She had felt so bad and her guilt had weighed heavily on her mind all day.

So as she was exiting Parker Center, she made a split second and perhaps foolish decision. She pulled out her cell phone and called in a few favors to her salt and pepper Lieutenant that was still working on paperwork upstairs. Within a few minutes of driving towards her condo she received a response to her inquiries and smiled to herself as she read the text message. After the Chief's address the text ended simply with: _Good luck._

After a quick change of clothes and a vague but appealing explanation to Rusty, Sharon had found herself listening to the mechanical voice of her GPS as she tried to steer with one hand and keep the take out bag in her passenger seat from tipping over with the other. When she finally arrived at Brenda's building she had to take a calming breath before exiting her car and finally making her way through the lobby. All she could hope for was that she had made the right choice and the younger woman would be glad to see her.

Although as she stands here now in front of the woman she had been so desperate to see, all of her worries seem to melt away. From the large grin on Brenda's face and the dimples in her cheeks, she can tell that the blonde is ecstatic to see her. She is dressed in what looks like a well-worn pair of pajama pants and a camisole that Sharon isn't opposed to. She can see the gentle swell of her breasts peeking out slightly above the material of the shirt, rising and falling with each of the blonde's hurried breaths.

Its only then that the older woman notices the famous sweater adorning her friends shoulders and she can only imagine what had been going through her mind since Sharon called. Her green eyes rise slightly to meet those of brown and the warmth she sees in them strikes her and she can't help but smile back.

Suddenly Brenda reaches out and grabs the Captain softly by her shoulders and pulls her in closer. Sharon is entranced as the other woman's lips seek hers; gently brushing against her as if unsure they are wanted. It only takes a few seconds for the brunette to come to her senses and the food forgotten, pulls Brenda roughly into her, theirs bodies connecting at every point and her eyes closing to savor the feeling.

The kiss is soft and tentative at first, lips brushing cautiously against the others, afraid to deepen the contact. Then when Brenda gently runs her tongue across Sharon's lower lip seeking entrance, the older woman gladly obliges. She can feel the former chief searching behind her for the edge of the door and feels a triumphant hum in her own mouth when she finds it. Moments later she is pushed against the hard surface as she realizes that Brenda must have shut the door, and all she can do is whimper desperately in response as their tongues tangle.

She can feel the younger woman's hands trailing up her sides and under her sweatshirt, their coldness a stark contrast to her own feverish skin. They gently brush against the underside of Sharon's bra and she can feel her own nipples harden even under the thick sweatshirt. She wants…no, she NEEDS more contact.

As Brenda disconnects from her mouth, Sharon inhales deeply and desperately, trying to take in the much-needed oxygen. She can feel the light kisses the younger woman is trailing across her jaw and back behind her ear, which causes her to produce a familiar yet long over due sound. The quiet hum seems to excite Brenda as she continues her onslaught of Sharon's neck. She decides to sink her hands into the hair at the base of Brenda's neck, softly massaging the tight muscles she finds there and encouraging the talented mouth.

Then as suddenly as it started it stops and the younger woman's head is resting just in the crook of Sharon's shoulder, her hands cradling it. She can feel both of their chests heaving, trying to calm themselves but syncing their rhythm instead. Brenda's hands are still clutching at her back and her breath is coming fast from her nose, trying in vain to calm herself down. Sharon runs her hands gently against Brenda's skull.

A few minute pass and Sharon can feel the other woman loosen her hold and draw back, but not completely out of her embrace. The brunette smiles gently as Brenda leans in to kiss her gently on the underside of her jaw, a slight shudder running through her as she does so.

"I'm so glad you came," the blonde whispers, the drawl more pronounced.

Sharon swipes her thumb lovingly over the dent of Brenda's dimples, caressing them, as she's always wanted to do.

"Me too Brenda Leigh," she admits, "me too."


End file.
